Absent Without Leave

When I was at school, there were three world leaders:

George W Bush; Tony Blair; Mr Booth -

a terrifying man with a moustache like a dictator,

and we were all Booth Youth. Black blazers and button badges

declaring our allegiance.

Following his repeated instruction

‘put up or shut up.’


We were worried about war.

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Is your glass always full, or always upturned?

I am quite polite. I’m often quiet. I follow rules, and sometimes over compensate to ill effect.

Am I a rebel?

 I recently came up with a tag line for myself. If people were to describe me and my own "personal brand", or to slogan one of those very revelatory T-shirts, they would say, 'she’s the one with loads of friends ... but they’re all imaginary'.

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How tae inadvertently start a Coup!

Warning: this piece contains strong language

Wit am a daeing?

A sat there watching a guy picking at his bum crack. Then wae a secretive wee glance aroon the auditorium he began sniffing his fing’ers. A shook ma heed and quietly glanced aroon at aw the other vulgar animals. Future leaders, academics and inevitable dropouts trying tae impress each other. A wis bored listening tae how great college will be fir me until ...

I introduce your newly elected Student President …

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