personal rebellion

The Dress Code

‘Don’t be on that all night,’ Dad says as he passes through the kitchen. ‘You’re costing me a fortune.’ I’m sat on the kitchen counter (our phone is hung to the wall just above it).

‘So, what are you wearing?’ I ask Michaela who’s on the other end. She’s wearing her new white stilettoes, her new navy pencil skirt and a shiny white blouse that she’s worn before. I’m supposed to wear the exact same or something very similar. This is me trying to fit in.

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A statement against housework after loss

A statement against housework after loss

I winna wash ma windas or bleach the dining room screens,
I winna fash wi recycling or clean up cat sick stains,
I winna pay the coonsil tax cause they can a go hang.
I winna bother wi ma coupon, there’s nithin I can buy?

I winna buy flooers for Tommy’s grave but who will bury me?
Fit if we’re a incinerated, like in Nagasaki?
Fit if I’m in hiven and I canna find my Tommy?
Fit if there’s different hivens, depending how you die?

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Bad Widow

My husband just died but at least I’m taking it well. Everybody tells me so. ‘Oh Julie, you’re just handling this all so well’, they gush, willing it to be true. Insisting upon it.

At first I tried to play along; I wanted to believe. The love of my life died at 43 after a grueling duel with leukaemia, but whatever, I’m so strong. I’m so competent. Look at me, I’m handling it. Just like you all want me to.

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A Moment Of Glad

Though baptised first name Dilys
Was called my middle name, Jane.
Dolls were not my friend
Teddy bear and rabbit my game.
Sugar and Spice were not my thing
But slugs and snails and puppy dogs tails.
Moles in traps, to my bed
Fleas and disease my parents dread.
Time and tide moved on
Muddied knees clean
Wild and free remained my dream.
Headmaster at school, who thrashed a lad
Cos he lifted my skirt, in a moment of glad.
He preached on a Sunday
About the Lords Love
The rebel in me was fed by his glove.

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“….true rebels are few, far between and often the most unlikely people you'll ever think of….”

 (Urban Dictionary – accessed 4.4.18)

Sometimes life, (or death), changes things.
Pieces thrown into the air
Fall to land in a different formation.

You've got your mother in a whirl 
She's not sure if you're a boy or a girl…

I didn’t know it then, but 
now I see that when it happened
I was still riffing on my mother’s death

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Starting Again

My shoe broke on the way to the station which I tried not to take as a sign. Limping into a new life does dampen the intended grace somewhat. The right lace now trailed along demonstrating all too plainly how I couldn't hold my life together. I half expected a mocking over the tannoy. Thankfully, none came. 

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Give me a Reason to Climb out This Hole

Let it be said that this 'ere be th' testament o' a true scots rebel. 31st kin 2018

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At 7PM

At 7PM (Inspired by Baudelaire’s At One O’Clock In The Morning)

Finally! I am home! Nothing matters but the glass of white wine in my hand. For the next three hours, I will read what I want, and write what I want. Finally, the burden of the job is sitting at the office and I can do what I want!

Finally, I can develop Ilse further and paint her secrets darker! I can take her to the darkest corners of the world and back and we can cry hot, gooey, black tears together.

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The Voice of Rebellion

I had tried to rebel; but you were very convincing.

You persuaded me that I was at fault, and I believed your tales. I dreamed of having a long tail with which to whish your tales away. But instead I seemed to gather your tales closer, holding on as if to let those tales go would be to lose something that I did not know what it would be like – or did not deserve – to be without.

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REBEL (possible definitions)

Warning: this piece contains strong language

Is it when you ask yourself,
'Why do this?'
and you answer,
'because I can!' 

Is this not the start of

Is it

Is it
spawned in Europe'ssleepysuburbs,
bankrolled by mumndad
en route to Essaouira
to hang out with Jimmytheman?

Is it
in waistdeep warfront mud
saving the lives of strangers? 

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