Living Dissection

Eat with your mouth wide open / future child // Laugh and let your spit dribble to the floor via your chin and your bib // Find the blue food colouring / pour it into the mashed potatoes when the adults are not looking // Kit out Action Man with fabulous cherry red high heels and a tiara // Say you are reading for school / listen to metal in your bedroom all day / full blast with the headphones blocking out the world at the door // Shoehorn the most vulgar Cannibal Corpse song titles into your homework // Drop spectacularly out after the first year of your engineering degree // Tell your Director of Studies it is because you are not wholly convinced by the laws of physics // Pick another degree / the one with the fewest lectures per week // Spend the next four years watching Neighbours twice a day // Excel in your highly paid morally dubious graduate job / then quit // Quit / all guns blazing // Compel the CEO to phone you and tell you that if he were there in person / he would have punched you in the face // Tell him you would have punched him right back // Walk out with WWE victory music playing in your head / loosen your tie / start smoking and go straight to the pub at half past nine on a Monday morning // Camp in your flat for days at a time // Answer concerned texts from your parents with YOLO x // Only go out at night / only return when it gets light // Start writing a novel / a terrible novel / about someone who watches Neighbours twice a day // Tell your person at the Job Centre that you have a good feeling about many of the upcoming job opportunities you have jotted down in your little unemployment diary // Shoehorn Cannibal Corpse song titles into all applications forms and interview answers // Act perplexed when the offers are not forthcoming // Make sure your novel gets rejected several times over / success is for sell outs // When you are broker than broke and your bank account is the notch worse than red and the wolves have eaten the door down and trampled wolf droppings onto your credit rating / get a job // Do not speak to anyone at your new job // Not your colleagues / not the customers // Tell yourself this is perfectly acceptable behaviour for a telephone customer services job // You are hurting // Embrace it // Embrace the melancholy // Embrace it when they tell you they have decided not to keep you on after your probation period // Find another minimum wage job // This time / do speak // Rally the troops // You now have life experience / you wrote a novel / remember // When they try to cut your break times to less than what is legal / when they wave a zero hour contract in your face and tell you to like it or lump it / do not accept it // Sit and shrug / stone faced / when the bosses invite you in to elaborate on rumours of a mass walkout // When you somehow manage to get promoted over the subsequent years / give the staff many breaks // Have motivational team huddles // Actually tell them dad jokes and do defamatory impressions of the morally dubious CEO // Send emails to the team with GIFs / memes / terrible puns // Blind copy the morally dubious CEO in / every time // When he emails back asking you to stop / send him a twenty page dossier explaining why his company needs to get a soul / how he needs to think more about the people / how the profits will then take care of themselves // Include obligatory Cannibal Corpse song titles in the body of the email // Quit / again // Do it when he needs you most // Join his rival company // Email him Darth Vader GIFs to inform him you have joined The Dark Side // Work less / give more // Physically wince when people question this approach to life // When your sweet wee granny asks you about marriage / book a holiday alone // Ditch your car in the embankment of conformity // Walk places // Stop wearing shoes in the office / and socks // Feel rebellion bristling at the soles of your feet //  Wear a Peppa Pig onesie to the shops / lay flowers next to the bacon // Eat Doritos and hot dog sausages for breakfast // Watch horror films with dinner in the small hours of a weekday morning // Have cake / eat it / any time // Get drunk and eat junk food in bed / mouth wide open // Laugh / future child / as your spit dribbles down your chin //