Who Wears a Purple Hair-net Anyway!

By Margaret Bowman

'Where dae ye think yer going' said ma mither fae below,
'Ye'll need tae dae the hoovering before ye cross the door'
'What! I'm off tae see ma pals,' I said, 'the weekend's here, ye know!'
'Aye, after the upstairs cleaning's done, and definitely no afore!' 


Now I'm a busy lass, ye see, things tae do, places tae go,
But I'm no a housekeeping slave, which is what she thinks I'm for.
The upstairs rooms and landing wants hoovering, that's required.
'an mind tae dae the dusting tae', essential, not just required!


A teenage life can be such a drudge wi all this bleeding cleaning,
A mother's slave, I held a grudge, could really feel like screaming.
'Oh, what the hell, I'll run around wi a hoover, it'll no tak me long,'
'But the dusting, now that's a different thing, in fact "that's just a liberty!"' 


So, what I'll do to speed things up, I'll dust wi the end of the hoover,
Kill two jobs at once, deep joy, I think I'm oh so clever.
So, off I went with my powerful 'duster' an' all the enthusiasm I could muster,
Getting on great, I'll no be beat, be finished quick time, I've friends tae meet 


So, all goes well until it came tae ma mither's cabinet top,
A bright purple hair-net lay on the glass, but the hoover sooked it right up!
'Oh, my, I'm done for, she'll be mad when she finds oot,
That her precious purple hair-net went straight up the hoover's spoot! 


'Now, what to do, what's next,' I thought, 'will I own up and risk being grounded?'
'Well, what's the risk' I ask myself, a 'get-out-clause' is well-founded.
Do I just ignore the fact it's gone, hidden inside the machine?
Or dispose of the paper dust-bag, removal of evidence....clean! 


A cunning plan, and it could work, no lie or mistruth spent,
If I keep quiet about the missing hair-net, and where it actually went.
So, that's what happened, Mither pleased wi the cleaning that had been done,
She was also extremely impressed, ye know, wi the attention to detail performed. 


So, off I went to socialise, have fun, and hae a laugh,
Relaying the story of the cleaning charade, Oh, how we hooted about that gaff!
It wisnae until night-time came, ma mither came tae ask,
'Did ye see ma purple hair-net when ye were on yer cleaning task?' 


I looked at her, and rolled ma eyes, 'A what?' wi a teenage torn face,
'Ma hair-net, hiv ye seen ma net? It keeps ma perm in place.'
'Oh, how am I supposed tae know when something goes astray,'
'I'm a teenage lassie, don't ask me, ye'll no get a right answer, no Way!'


teenage rebellion, purple hair net, everyday rebellion