A Journey to Happiness

26th March 2023

Dear Aliya,

Sorry, cannot make it to Kazakhstan this summer. In 2020 and 2021 it was travel restrictions surrounding Covid. Last year it was political unrest at your end, while we had to rebuild our home after being flooded out. This summer we have so many family commitments it looks as if we will not get away at all. How would you be placed for a visit in the autumn or winter especially if there is any skiing? Cannot believe it is nearly three years since your government repatriated you and we all had to finish our Masters dissertations online. How are things with you? Have you settled into your former life? I have noticed during our last video calls that despite your promotion you seem unhappy. Remember Matisse, "There are flowers everywhere for those who want to see them".

31st March 2023

Dear Colin,

Yes, I remember well that heart-breaking departure from Aberdeen and our last coffee and brownie in the Duncan Rice Library. Our twice weekly video calls have become the highlight of my week. Despite my best efforts to move on and build a new life in Kazakhstan I am not happy or fulfilled. Yes I have financial security and an excellent career as a military officer but my dream is to return to Aberdeen and build a life there. The truth is I have fallen head over heels in love with a city and a way of life which gives opportunities to me as a woman which are not available in Kazakhstan. I see Aberdeen constantly in my dreams, the shops on King Street, Duthie Park, the narrow streets of Old Aberdeen, the screeching of the gulls and the grey North Sea. In my real life I see the vast open spaces of the Kazakh Steppe and hear the call of the Steppe Eagles as they soar on the thermals in search of prey. The contrast could not be greater and it is tearing me apart but I am determined to follow my dreams. At 36 years old I am not a silly girl; I have found a calling, I know that dreams do not come true of their own volition. As I journey through life I have come to realise I wasted so much of my youth in small, silly battles. My dreams were big but procrastination rather than action meant I did not achieve them. My family is appalled that I feel this way. I hate myself for hurting my parents and in my shame I cup my face in my hands. Unsurprisingly, I suffer from chronic insomnia.

2nd April 2023

Dear Aliya,

I did not fully realise things were quite so bad. However, while we know when our journey through life started, we have no means of knowing when it will end. I suspect the road you are starting on will be long and stony so remember Matisse!

4th April 2023

Dear Colin,

I hold the green birth certificate of a citizen of the Soviet Union, a Union of which I was proud to be a member of. Sadly, now when I see the emblem of the Soviet Union I feel nothing but pain and sorrow. It reminds me of a time when my culture was suppressed. When Kazakhstan was used as a nuclear test area with no protection for the local population resulting in deformities in newborn children and significant increases in cancer related deaths in adults. I am exceptionally lucky to be born with two arms and legs and with full mental capabilities. The road ahead holds no terrors for me, it leads to a new life where I will live in a culture which allows me to fullfill my potential.

24th April 2023

Dear Colin,

At last I have a visa, a work permit, a job, and a one way ticket to Aberdeen.

2nd May 2023

My phone screen shows 5 am. I continue to doze. Eons later I check my phone, it shows 6 am. My head feels as if a team of roadmen are attempting to drill through my skull with blunt pneumatic drills. Dreading what happens next, I open gummed up eyes to see streams of lurid flashing lights hurtling towards me intent on drilling through my eyeballs before exiting my skull through the holes. My phone alarm erupts in my ear jerking me out of a heavy doze. Yet another night of disturbed sleep, a pattern which began when I was forced to leave my beloved granite city. The screen showed 7 am being confirmed by a thump as the wheels of the Astana Airways A320 kissed the tarmac of Heathrow on time after the long flight from Astana. I am jerked fully awake as the engines go into reverse thrust and slam me against the seat belt. The first part of my journey back to happiness was over. Now for the short flight to Aberdeen and the start of a new life.

I stand in the aisle way at the front of the plane waiting for the flight attendant to release the cabin door and for disembarkation to begin. My phone pings with a text from my friend who is waiting for me in the arrivals hall. My 81 years young friend will be unmissable in one of his gloriously coloured shirts. The physical side of my journey is over, now I set off on my cultural journey. The cabin door opens revealing the low, grey sky and virtual drizzle of an Aberdeen summer's day. However, as I step onto the first step I realise the steps and the route to the arrivals hall are strewn with flowers. My long journey to happiness is nearly over, and a new exciting life beckons.