Just go for the ride - October 1978

…...like I said

I'd never been to Scotland – never fancied it –

but well, the company was paying – a week in a hotel

hired car, the lot! I thought, I'll just go for the ride. Why not?

Look at some houses. Should be more affordable up there

although of course I did tell Phil that Scotland was

beyond the pale – too cold, too wet, too violent and too far.

I mean, even the motorway didn't go across the border.

Anyway,

when we got there we were told

we'd have to pick up housing “schedules” from a lawyer first

(they've no estate agents, it's really weird) and so we did.

But after, when we'd got back in the car, about to pull away

this crazy guy swerves his old wreck in front, slams brakes

then hits reverse and screeches back towards us

like a truck from hell! We're bracing for the crash

but no, he bounces to a stop in time somehow.

Then, d'you know what? He's out and striding up to us.

We're terrified. He's banging on the window.

Phil begins to wind it down, left arm drawn back

all ready for a punch, and then – you'll never guess –

the guy just smiles. Says, 'You alright to get out there?

Got enough room?' We're gobsmacked,

never been asked that before!

There's more.

We're in the pouring rain – yep, no surprise –

outside a call box. Young man's shouting down the phone –

sounds really angry. Then suddenly his head pops out

says 'Sorry to keep you waiting'. Apologies no less!

Turns out he's slow because his Mum is hard of hearing

but he'll soon be finished. And he was.

Another first!

Then finally

we pop into a minimarket for some snacks. Big queue.

Large woman with three kids – at least a fortnight's shopping

in her trolley – insists that we go first and waves us through.

So what d'you think of that?

I'll tell you what, I thought

ok it isn't London, is it? Too damn right – 'cos none of that

would ever happen here, not on your life!

So maybe,

well...

I could live there, you know...