Please note: this piece contains descriptions of self harm some readers may find upsetting.
I was born into a wealthy family and wanted for nothing at all (father very materialistic). I sadly lost my mother to cancer at 13 years old, she was a mam, best friend and a tower of love. We had very special times dancing rock and roll to the theme tune of the T.V. show Happy Days or when we went out in the car together we would sing at the top of our voices, no matter how bad it sounded.
She became so ill about 1 year before she died. Dad was a typical man back then, very materialistic, never showed feelings and certainly did not know how to show love or praise and that was shown after mam died and also when I left school. My first job was working with my Dad, spending all that time with him at work and home. Life certainly did not work and had many arguments and fights, sadly hate crept into the relationship. There was no emotion or love left in the relationship. I even felt totally unwanted.
At 17 I left home and the family business and went to work for a company based in Wales in sales/marketing, we worked in team numbers of 5 all over the UK promoting delivery of the local newspaper direct from the press which meant you had the newspaper hot off the press.
At 21 years old I started my own Sales & Marketing business called Mac's Marketing. The first contract I had was with a newspaper called the Evening Chronicle in Newcastle upon Tyne promoting home delivery direct from the press and was cheaper than buying from the newsagents and the customer got vouchers for activities for a trial basis. I started with a team of 5 sales / marketing. I employed more and more people as the amount of contracts grew up and down the country and ended up employing 60 to 70 people. Things were going well for about 5 to 6 years. Then the online newspapers started, the online newspaper and trying to get people to sign up for the trial period was getting harder and harder as they were getting the newspaper for free online. This led to lower and lower figures and then the publishers cancelling contracts, so I had to lay people off and finally the whole idea of direct delivery was stopped as it started to cost the newspaper to run the scheme and I ended up laying everybody off and having to dissolve the company with a lot of debt. This led on to me losing my possessions and finally losing my rented flat and finally becoming homeless.
At the age of nearly 30 years old having everything from being a child, wanting or needing anything to working with my dad and then setting up on my own, building up to a beautiful flat, a fantastic car, and lovely clothes wanting for nothing (living the life of Riley). Then absolutely losing everything to the point of being on the streets carrying everything everyday; a tent, sleeping bag and a change of clothes. Going from a homeless meal van to meal van or charity business that took in homeless people for a couple of hours for a meal, a bit of warmth and a chat with someone if you need it. I was totally living a nightmare for approx. 4 months. The council would not help me as I was on my own as a male they seemed to help females and females with children more than single male men. Things got so bad I ended up crying everyday feeling lost and totally depressed (despair and dejection) and going down the road of my life getting darker and darker losing any motivation or any desire or energy to live, wishing I would die in my sleep while on the streets. I really could not cope anymore and I even started praying I would die
so I would not have these feelings anymore.
Eventually it got too much for me and I ended up taking a massive overdose of tablets and a litre bottle of vodka. I had pitched my tent in a quiet end of the park then took my overdose and drank the vodka. I was unconscious and told later that this part had happened, there was a man out in the park with his dog and his dog had found me and was barking so the owner of the dog went over to see what all the barking was about and he saw me lying there unconscious with the empty box of tablets and the empty vodka bottle beside me so he called for an ambulance and I was taken to hospital and had my stomach pumped. I ended up spending 4 days in the hospital. If it was not for the man and his dog I certainly would not be here now.
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