Please note: this piece contains descriptions of loss some readers may find upsetting.
One day my life changed forever.
My mammy said to me one day after school,
'Nancy, you take everyone to the pictures. Your daddy will be here when the picture’s finished.'
So off we went, the four of us, happy as could be.
When we got home my daddy was not there so I put everyone to bed.
When I woke up my daddy was sleeping next to us – five sleeping in the same bed! I turned to my dad and said, 'Dad, mammy was not in when we came in and I just put everyone to bed.' He turned and said to me, 'Your mammy went to Heaven last night.' This meant nothing to me then. I did not understand. He said, 'You are my big girl now and we will go to the house to get clothes for school.’
I remember a woman asked me if my mammy had had the baby yet. I was carrying a bowl of water and I said to her while throwing the water into the air, 'My mammy went to heaven last night.' Then I started to cry and went running to my dad.
It was the saddest of times, everyone was heartbroken, and nobody knew what was going to happen. My dad was only thirty-three and he had to work. It was decided that each one of us would be split up between aunts and uncles. If they had no son, they would take a boy, and the same for the girls. We were staying at my gran’s small house. My mammy, God love her, had prayed every day for a big house. We had been living in someone’s bedroom, the six of us, for nine years. No sink, no toilet, one room to sleep in. We never knew what it was like to have small things in life but we were very happy, we played in the street, the room was too small.
My mammy was such a quiet person. I remember her working every day to keep us clean and well fed. All she ever did was wash the outside buildings and the toilet. I used to say, 'I could come and help you.' And she would say, 'When you get your own bedroom, you can keep it lovely.' That’s all she talked about.
After she died, we were heartbroken. Everyone in the village was so sorry for us. When our family came to Bannockburn for the funeral we were sent to be with my dad’s young sister. She was only seven years older than me but she had to boss me! I would not do what she asked and she said, 'You’ll get no ice cream when the van comes.' So I left the house in tears and went with two friends to look for my mammy. When we found her grave I was the only one who knew where my mammy was buried.
My gran was seventy and had a big family of fifteen and had eight children of her own. But she decided that she would bring us up. We would not be split up after all! A couple of days later we were offered a five apartment with four bedrooms and – wait for it – a bathroom! We thought we had gone to heaven, only, my mammy wasn’t there. But we all grew up together thanks to my Gran.