'Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.' ― J.K. Rowling.
2020 was certainly a year that will go down in history for all of the wrong reasons. It was a year no one could have predicted. A year unlike any other. I remember feeling sick to my stomach when I was watching Boris Johnson announce the first national lockdown at 8pm on 23rd March 2020. This was the moment I realised things were going to change. So many hospitalizations, restrictions and death. So much fear and anxiety. This truly was the “darkest of times” for so many of us.
However, even through these tough times, community spirit came shining through. From Sir Captain Tom, clapping for the NHS and carers every Thursday night and drawings of rainbows in people’s windows. Hope has helped to push us through with the rollout of the vaccines and the gradual lifting of restrictions. Some celebrations, such as weddings, have still taken place regardless of restrictions but on much smaller scales. However, not everyone has been able to have their wedding.
I remember being on a walk with my mum and my dog, walking past a house close to ours that had a banner in the window which read: 'Should have been just married today'. I remember feeling empathy when seeing this as I was engaged and experiencing worries over whether my wedding would go ahead. I remember naively thinking 'surely when my wedding happens it will be able to go ahead', as this was just under a year before it was due to go ahead. This turned out not to be the case.
It was around Christmas/New Year 2020 when my fiancé and I finally decided we would need to push our wedding back to April 2022. It wasn’t a decision we took lightly, and we even thought about perhaps rearranging to October 2021 so that we could celebrate as soon as things were back to “normal”. However, we went with April 2022 as it would be more special. April was the month my fiancé and I first started dating. When he proposed, he chose the date that we first met: Valentine’s Day. He proposed where we spent our first day together at Loch Lomond. Pushing the wedding back a year meant it would be even more of a special celebration as now it would be exactly 10 years from the day we first started dating.
It was heart-breaking to contact all of our friends and family to tell them that we had decided to push the wedding back. I remember feeling very upset when it finally sunk in the day before what should have been our wedding day. I thought about being at the venue the day before, relaxing with my mum before the big day. My thoughts then began to spiral thinking about guests that were invited to the wedding that won’t be there now because of COVID-19. I also thought that maybe I should have asked the neighbours for their banner they had up when it was meant to be their wedding day!
Again, this was another “dark time” for me. I remember thinking will anyone actually care or remember my wedding should have been this day. I received a text from my gran the morning of my wedding day to say she was thinking of me. I texted my fiancé to say: 'Happy what should have been our wedding day'. My fiancé replied and said: 'Happy one year until our wedding day!'. This was when I “remembered to turn on the light”. All of a sudden, my dark thoughts changed to happy thoughts. Instead of grieving what I'd lost, I switched my focus to having a wedding to look forward to when times will be happier. A true cause for celebration!
Instead of staying in my pyjamas sulking all day, I decided I wanted to celebrate the day with my fiancé in our own special way, regardless of restrictions. We finished work an hour early, went a walk with our dog somewhere new (and local), ordered dinner and dessert from TGI Fridays to collect and enjoy at home. My fiancé gave me a card and flowers, I gave him a bar of chocolate and bought him his favourite drinks. We then watched a movie together that night with candles lit, eating popcorn. Even though it wasn’t quite the way we expected the day to be, we both enjoyed celebrating it in the way that we could, and we are both excitingly counting down the days to April 2022. Perhaps it was for the best the wedding didn’t happen when it was supposed to since I didn’t have a hairdresser or make-up artist because of restrictions, and I wasn’t my ideal weight (thanks lockdown!).
We can’t wait for our celebration and for many others yet to come. So, when times are tough, remember that,
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”