Ah wiz lookin’ forward tae this. Ah always did. After all – it’s be’er than sex. Intit?
Ah’d decided "now" wiz today’s "right moment”.
Ah wiz walkin’ to ma bedroom wi’ tha’ weird, compatible mix a’ both calm an’ excited anticipation. ‘Dodged the stale socks He wiz throwin’ a’ wur “teenager” an' continued almost … naw … absolutely serenely up the stairs.
Sixteen a’ them. Everyone counts … Don’ ye?
Another step closer.
As Ah reached fur the handle, there wiz an attempt tae assault ma ears.
'LAUREN! WHIT TIME DAE WE NEEDTAE LEAVE FUR YUR APPOINTMEN’!?'
Naah! Ma force-field wiz a’ready in place aaaand... impenetrable.
Gen’ly an’ wi’ none a’ the angst touchin’ me, Ah closed the door wi’ tha’ satisfyin’ ‘moment alone’ Click. Jist… Click.
How can a wee click signify sa much?
PAIN!
The… Piercing! Stabbing! Pain. To. My. Head!
Breathe.
Nothing would deflate the certain delight Ah wiz aboutae experience.
On openin’ the drawer, catchin’ sigh’ a’ tha’ gloriously purple box wiz yet another stimulus. Another step closer.
Reachin’ intae the box, Ah closed ma eyes tae heighten more senses as ma fingers found the perfect shape of it.
The familiar form. The familiar smell. The familiar crinkle of surroundin’ packagin’.
Aw hintin’ at the joy aboutaebe experienced.
Wi’ a sudden thought, Ah snatched ma hand back. Looked roun’.
Wur the pillows in jist the righ’ position!?
Wiz the bedroom door still closin’ ou’ the rest a’ the house!?
The rest a’ the world?
The reality?
Aw vital components a’ the perfect moment.
Turnin’ back, Ah caugh’ a wee glimpse a’ the appointmen’ letter.
Ah mean… Aye, thoughts drifted an’ challenged. Bu’ in floatin’ them away, Ah knew they, in ma new “normal”, underpinned in deep, dark shadows... everythin’ Ah did. Everythin’ Ah said. Everythin’ Ah fel’.
Aye. Bu’… the wee, simple joys Ah seek ou’ an’…an’ focus oan … well, thur stronger. More deservin’ a’ ma energies.
If “this is it” there canae be any poin’ tae wastin’ time in cripplin’ fear.
Ah mean, that’s whit made these really personal moments sa’ vital. A celebration. The drug tae carry me, even fae the darkness threatenin’ tae be the end a’ ma life.
Determined no’ tae… sully the momen’, Ah sped through the next few stages.
Before Ah knew it, Ah wiz lyin’ oan ma bed allowin’ the elation tae work.
Eyes closin’ slowly. Gently. Meltin’ velvet. An involuntary groan.
Aw other sound muted.
Man. Welcome ecstasy centrin’ a’ ma core an’ shootin’, wi’ absolute precision, tae every nerve-endin’ in ma body.
Float. Jist… float.
Maybe ther’ wiz a sense a’ it aw bein’ done too soon.
It’s just once a day. Signifyin’ ma refuellin’ of strength in fightin’ this… yetaebe "known" condition.
Ach, Ah know these "alone times" were perfectly timed tae make each one precious, desired, sa keenly anticipated. An "applause" fur me. Fur ma wee self.
Aaaanyway, Ah then fel'… ready. Ready fur the day’s challenge.
Still almost floatin’, Ah moved t’wards the drawer… restorin’ order around the secret, wee box.
Aye, it... hustaebe said tha’, on notin’ a dwindlin’ supply, the teeny, wee tap ae’ alarm tried tae pierce my calm.
But.
Serenity wiz instantly restored as Ah made a "brain note" tae pop in an’ buy more a’ ma favourite truffles…
… A celebration a’ the simplest joys Ah choose tae find in ma LIFE.