Recently I've had a constant nagging feeling of waiting for something. I don’t know what it is I’m waiting for but I feel that I’ve been waiting now for such a very long time; years in fact. In my head I know that it hasn’t been quite that long but my heart and all my senses seem to ache with longing for this "something" that I’m waiting for. I feel that it’s just around the next street corner or in the next aisle at the supermarket, but it never is, and I feel that somehow I must have just missed it.
My face behind a mask doesn’t show the loneliness I feel when I can’t see others’ faces behind the masks that they wear. I can’t recognise an acquaintance to ask, 'Hi there, how are you?' Or see a smile or a frown to know what they might be thinking or feeling. Are they happy or sad, frustrated or pensive, or perhaps they’re also like me, and just waiting.
What are we waiting for though? Is it the next set of rules telling us what we can and can’t do; the next place that will close or open, or where we can or can’t go? Is it to know when we will be called on to go for a vaccine, or a test to find out if we have the virus that has caused all this uncertainty, or are we waiting for the results to know if we, or our loved ones, are ok and are safe for now?
Lovers are still waiting to hold their long planned wedding celebrations and families are waiting to find out when they can visit their friends and families again or fly away to enjoy a delayed and longed for holiday on a sunny beach. Friends are waiting to celebrate with drinks in a bar together or to enjoy a birthday celebration or the anniversary of their wedding day, which was celebrated with all their friends and family so many years ago, in happier times.
I think I’m beginning to understand what it is that I’m waiting for; something that we will all really want to celebrate. I think that it’s simply a return to that mysterious and elusive thing that we've not known for so long now and didn't realise that we miss so much: normailty.
For now, I’m still waiting.