‘The Future’ is often cast in terms of science fiction, from dystopian near future wars, to the hopefulness of Star Trek with humanity reaching out into the stars.
The filters we use to perceive ‘The Future’ are mainly driven from our past. We don’t want to repeat mistakes or see history repeat itself.
In more mundane terms, the future usually doesn’t look much different, buildings change and cars get more modern, but the places we live or towns we grew up in, pretty much look the same.
Last September, my future changed very quickly. My wife, Lyndie died.
I moved into her house, to look after our boys. I tried to care for them whilst processing my own feelings and memories.
The paperwork, things to sort out all followed the funeral, trying to make sense of her arrangements for kids and house.
A future that saw my boys lose their mother and one where I no longer had my friend and the mother of my children.
A future maybe, that’s imperfect.
A future that you don’t conceive, you don’t think could happen, you don’t want to see.
I found I wasn’t alone. WAY - Widowed and Young - provide information and groups for Widows and Widowers.
Through the groups I read stories similar to mine or that were even more heartbreaking, senseless, even cruel.
‘The Future’ was a common theme to many people, they had their future taken, a life planned with the person they loved.
The groups provide solidarity and a place to be listened to.
Society has a perverse attitude to death, a hullabaloo around a funeral followed by the bereaved being expected to get over it in a certain time period.
From my own experience, the offers of help drift away. If people think you’re coping with the kids, they’ll leave you be.
It’s a bizarre one, as a large part of your future has been ripped away and only a few understand what you’re going through.
‘Time heals’ and that truism seems to apply as days become weeks and weeks become months.
It’s still a Future Imperfect.