Living with C19 ( A letter from my future)

Dear Lost in Lockdown,

Thanks for your recent letter. It’s good to be reminded of what life was like just a short time ago. I can still recall the sudden twist of the kaleidoscope, as we went from “normal” life to Lockdown, instantly caged and only allowed out for food, medicine or our daily walk. I remember it being very sudden and I can hear the apprehension in your voice.

Viewed from here, as the restrictions on day to day living are relaxed, Lockdown has a bit of a dream like quality about it. That’s not to say that life has returned to “normal”, whatever that is. We are still living in the shadow of coronavirus but I guess we have got more used to our unwelcome guest.

You’ll no doubt be glad to hear that some things have improved, like the opportunities for sport and exercise. This means that I have been getting out for a more regular run and managed some rounds of golf (along with all the other lapsed golfers desperate to vary their routines). There is even talk of the café in the clubhouse reopening shortly, albeit with social distancing and the rigorous cleaning regime that has become so much a part of our lives. Ironically, COVID-19 has increased golfing numbers, stemming the tide of slow decline. We’ll have to see if this is just a blip or whether people continue to appreciate “a good walk spoiled” as Mark Twain reportedly said.

And so there is no need for that larger size of jeans that you feared. However, the rip just below the back pocket of my current pair has grown to terminal proportions and so I have had to venture out to replace them. Now that was an interesting experience!

As you will know, browsing is not normally first on my “to do list” when shopping for food. My usual tactic is to keep one eye on the shelves and another on my internal shopper sonar to see what avoiding action might be needed if people get too close. But the trouble with jeans shopping is that you have to focus mostly on the clothes and this leaves little room for attention to be given to the wayward customer approaching from the side or behind. What we really need is something like the reversing beep in a car so that we can be warned of intruders to our 2 metre exclusion zone. Either that or we could all be electronically tagged on entering the shop.

Anyhow, having selected a couple of pairs of jeans to try on, I primed my 6 ft social distancing alarm and headed for the changing rooms. Arriving at a cubicle I slipped on each pair of jeans in turn, eventually deciding on a pair of Lee Coopers offering a snug, original cowboy fit. Then, peeking around the curtain, I made a quick dash to the changing room entrance, before slaloming round staff and customers to complete the obstacle course. A final flourish with my contactless card at the pay point and my purchase was in the bag. The relief I felt at knowing there would be no need for another guerrilla shopping expedition anytime soon was palpable!

You’ll be pleased to hear that dental surgeries have reopened, complete with hazmat suits and breathing apparatus (only kidding), but I’m afraid it has proved a little too late for the back tooth that has been grumbling away recently. It had its last twinge a few weeks ago at the emergency dental centre. I won’t go into too many details, but the Dentist tying the string to the door handle was a bit of a surprise!

Some things have moved on in a more “one step forward, two steps back” kind of way. We are now able to entertain in our houses whilst social distancing, but this has led to the “two metre twostep”, normally encountered at the supermarket, moving indoors. Accompanied by the “ladies and gentlemen’s excuse me”, the “pass the antibacterial spray salsa” and the “privvy cleaning paso”, we now have a whole new lexicon of dance for the COVID-19 era. Perhaps we could have a Lockdown version of Strictly that would incorporate these new “moves”. Or maybe “Go b4 you Go” could be added to the range of coronavirus government slogans to prevent our facilities being turned into steam cleaned superloos!

Forgive the sarcasm, I appreciate that you don’t need this in your current situation, but the relaxation of the lockdown guidelines does present its own peculiar challenges.
On a lighter note, I have to say that the house and garden have never looked better. Every piece of wood and metal has been painted, the garage and bin shed have been cleaned and tidied. Veg beds are overflowing and the hedge and lawn have been primped to within an inch of their life. If we were being entered for the local county “House and Garden Show” we’d be aiming for a first! Not too dissimilar to yourself since the hairdressers have reopened. That haircut and shave have taken 10 years off you, well maybe 5.

So, all in all, whilst the stresses and strains of living with coronavirus remain, and believe you me sometimes I wish I could have an away day to a COVID free island somewhere, generally there is improvement. I hope that you are encouraged that the future’s not all doom and gloom and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Unless of course, as the BBC’s Dan Walker said recently, you are one of those people that is not a sport lover, in which case the idea of the football season restarting soon may well leave you wistful for a lingering lockdown.

Keep on keeping on!

Yours,

Livin’ in Lee’s.