Shaping the things that come

This Covid thing has been very good for me in certain respects. It’s been a bit like an enforced long-term vacation or sabbatical, when I’ve had time to consider and reflect on my past and present position and look to my future. My new future. Because like the “new normal” we’ve been promised, I do now think that I have a very different future ahead.

Ok this may sound a bit dramatic, over the top etc, but I do think that these long days of rest have given us, well certainly me, an opportunity to look closely at myseld and see exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life. I was in all honesty at a particular crux point anyway. 58 years old, I have recently and largely given up on drink and just finished a disastrous restaurant venture, topping a most eclectic and unrewarding career path to date. If indeed I can call my working life to date a career? You see it has been spent rather magpie-like and I haven’t found any real or rewarding niche yet. There have been intimations of what I should be doing along the way, but I never had that early Damascene moment when it all became clear and it was suddenly set out before me. Someone lucky like say, Yehudi Menuhin, who from age 5 was destined to play the violin on the world stage or my friend who went on a school trip one day to a court and knew then, aged 13, that he wanted to become a lawyer. And a Queen's Counsel he indeed became. But these are rare cases.

My life has been a case in point of not going for things and this is what I now want to change. Several instances glare back at me where I saw the light, so to speak, but never followed it through. I will give you an example. I once read a book about this chap who had taken a fridge around Ireland for a bet. And he did just that. He was a journalist and he wrote and published this fairly amusing book on his experience. Anyway, I had the idea being a fanatical golfer (with deep whimsical callings), that I would walk round Ireland with my golf clubs, play all the links courses and write about it. I even had a meeting with a friend who was a personal coach and we enumerated all the positives that would come out of this and it all looked so good and possible and novel. You know the fun and the book deal and all that. Great, fantastic.

Except, I didn’t do it.

A few years later I came across a book by Tom Coyne called A Course Called Ireland. Tom did do it and has become quite a celebrity in the world of golf journalism and indeed has now published A Course Called Ireland as well. I emailed him and said I enjoyed reading it and told him how I’d also been inspired to do the same thing after I read the book about the chap lugging the fridge. Tom replied that that was what had inspired him!

Now that hurt and to the core.

I suppose others benefit from good teachers in life who are able to spot individual talent and encourage it. And that’s a very important thing. And some people are very lucky. I feel rather let down on this particular front. To this day I can hear the words of my most uninspired teacher who acted as “careers advisor” recommending that I shouldn’t even apply to university. I actually got into the top one in Scotland in the end. But no thanks to him.

However, once we get to adulthood it’s really up to us to go for it. And that’s the simplest way to put it. Embrace the challenge and not be afraid of the possibility of failure or falling short. It’s the trying. Yes, I forget who said it but “success” is having given something a go, notwithstanding the result.

I now harbour many regrets about what may have happened had I followed my nose and been more decisive and go-getting. The only upside is that I may have stumbled across other facets that are potential aspects of my innate ability. For example, I think I only really found out that I enjoyed the act of writing this way. Notwithstanding that, my old “career advisor” also doubled up as an English teacher and awarded me the top essay prize one year. But he never encouraged me in it. Sour grapes what?

But that’s all in the past. It’s the future now which is oh so important. And I can thank Covid now for giving me time to look at the whole picture and help me identify my way forward. It’s several stranded and I won’t elaborate on it all now. But this is maybe one strand.

It’s going to be hard. That’s no denying. But I’ve set my course and I’m working towards it with gusto and a clear sight of where I want to get to. I firmly believe that we can make our future’s happen, at least shape them.

But If only we try.