Please note: this piece contains descriptions of loss that some readers may find distressing.
Eight years ago this very day
My world, my boy was taken away
Two policemen at the door
To say you’re not here anymore
When you see these things on TV
You hope that doesn’t happen to me
But it has and it did
The very thing you ask “God to forbid”
I could see you were struggling
But didn’t know what to do
To deal with your ways I hadn’t a clue
You always said “I’m fine and coping well”
But there was something wrong I could tell
Call it Mother’s instinct or just plain foresight
I knew something would change one night
They came to tell me you had gone
My only child, my precious Son
Why didn’t I cry, shout and scream
At losing my boy, my little Seanbeam
I just went numb and couldn’t speak
If I didn’t say the words then maybe I could keep
you there with me, on this earth
You, who melted my heart from birth
But you were a man with a mind of your own
How could I really have known
You’d leave this world before me
A life without you I just couldn’t see…
But there was a moment after that awful day
Sitting in the garden wondering why couldn’t you stay
My eyes were closed, the sun shone on my face
You were right beside me, not in another place
I felt your love surround me, not just in my mind
The knot in my stomach started to unwind
From that moment I knew you were still around
Myself and others I would astound
It gave me the strength I have today
Because I know you’re not far away
You’re in my heart forever my Son
As the saying goes “life must go on”
It’s the hardest thing for a grieving mother
Every day putting one foot in front of the other
But every day if all you can do is breathe
The pain really can start to ease
My heart is broken but it still beats inside
The sorrow I carry, I’ll never hide
There are new joys in life and reasons to live
It makes it easier for me to give
As much as I can, back to you
It helps me to make it through
This world that is cruel but so beautiful too
I go on with a huge hole in my heart
I know we’re really not far apart
You’ll live on in the things that I do
I’ll try to be strong if only for you
We’ll meet again of that I’m sure
And you’ll be waiting there for me
With flowers, at the door.
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