I had no big plan, but I had hope,
I had no big goal, but I had hope,
I had no big dream, but I had ho,pe
I had little peace, but I had hope.
Hope doesn’t come bulldozing into your life, it does not work overnight, it is not a quick fix, it is not the grand momentous finale. Hope is not something you pursue; it is a way of being, an intrinsic feeling that soothes the soul.
Hope requires patience, it asks you to seek beyond what the eye can see.
The glory is not found in external rewards, hope is the smallest whisper in the most turbulent of times, it is a deep-rooted feeling, one that if you allow it, will help you shift from one moment to the next.
And when you least expect it, the shift will come. Life will happen and you will hit notes you never thought possible, and only when your feet are firmly on the ground, will you remember that it all started with hope.
Invest in hope.
My reason for sharing this message of hope, is because there was a time when I could never have imagined my life as it is today.
I once had a dream of a wonderful life. I was brave, I was courageous enough to be seen. Until I wasn’t!
My mum used to say, ‘I feel we have been through so much but never get the great moment at the other end.’ I looked around the room, a room filled with love, laughter, and connection, and I thought if this is not a great life, I don’t know what is.
Pregnant at 18 and 21, my children gave me every reason to keep striving for that wonderful life. They kept the possibility of that dream alive. I looked at my girls and I thought “you deserve the world” but, for me, I was so bound by trying to get it right, afraid to fail, afraid to let them down, get it wrong. My pursuit of perfection cost me the ability to feel free. When you are constantly focusing on the doing, the being becomes secondary.
As a young mum, and then a young gran, I felt like I was swimming against the tide, never quite meeting societal expectations, never feeling quite good enough, but the one constant was love, and hope. And here we are!
There are many layers to this story, but my only hope is my words offer comfort to someone who feels like they also have also had to swim against the tide, whatever the reason.
You should know, my wonderful life did come:
My oldest daughter, now 27. Lives life to the full, has big plans and hopes to travel. She is so focussed on the goal, and she does not falter. With a mum who makes everyone's decision based on emotion, this girl stands steady and maintains logic when making her decisions. Nothing stands in her way.
My youngest daughter, now 24. Lives life on the edge (hard to watch but easy to admire). Lives life on her terms, doesn’t waste time thinking about what she should be doing better, she just lives and hopes for the best. With a mum who plans her time to come home before she even goes out, this girl is usually the last one standing, the party animal.
So, my mission was complete, both girls are free in spirit, free in their soul and free in life.
I had no idea when my daughter fell pregnant at 16, that her daughter, my granddaughter, would be the one to wake me up, tear down the walls and remind me what it meant to be free, to dream, to pursue living, to step out of my comfort zone.
Aged just 8, she calls us all to action. I could argue she is the freest of all of us. Unafraid to feel, to express herself, to dream big dreams. Our job is to allow her to remain untamed, to nurture that spirit and keep that vibrancy alive.
My youngest granddaughter, at only 9 months, reminds me of the tenderness required for this life. They say babies are born with fists clenched saying “love me”, not this little one. Her hands are open, her arms are open, and she looks to her mum, to her sister, her dad, to all of us and she says, ‘Let me love you.’
Life doesn’t always go to plan, but no plan is fixed. Be prepared to seek out hope, and remember each challenge in your life is only one part of your story. You must turn the page, take the next step, never close the book in your worst moment.
Here’s to 2024, may your heart be filled with love, your spirit free and your soul at peace.
Written to you with Love and Hope.
“I’ve looked at love from both sides now.” – Joni Mitchell