I don't want to limit my hope. I want to be my hope. I actually am my hope.
The decade of darkness dwindles. I couldn't live that life, just exist in it. My mind was captive, clearly not captivated. I couldn't foresee the future, only be subsumed by the past. The present was palpably exhausting.
Then I visited a new doctor. I was given information and a plan. An actual plan for the future. Not any future, my future. I was told things could change. The plan was radical, it wasn't passive, it was active. I was passive, I now needed to be active. I didn't hear the commitments to make. I didn't hear all the changes that were necessary, changes that might not be understood by others. I didn't hear because I was feeling. I was feeling something I hadn't felt in over ten years. Did I give permission to feel this? No. It exploded in my body like a rainbow of fluorescent colours. Dare I feel this? A redundant question – it was vibrating within me – HOPE.
Hope multiplies hope.