The only P.C. wis the Polos

Ma dad wis workin so ma mum an me wur off in the bus fae Alloa tae Dunipace, oan a Saturday.

The Saturday bit wis important caus if it wis oan a Sunday we’d go efter the Church an I wid huv tae sit, in ma guid claes an be quiet while the adults talked aboot the hatched, matched an dispatched. This usually startit off wi one o’ them sayin “You’ll niver guess who’s deid!” followed by the deceased’s full family tree, right doon tae a’ the names o’ their weans, who they’d married an where they a’ worked. They’d go an oan an oan an borin oan sum mair. We’d huv oor dinner at the big table in the livin-room wi a tablecloth an huv tae sit still till everybuddy finished so we could leave the table.

Oan a Saturday tho, we’d eat at the kitchen table or in the livin-room wi a plate oan oor knee, I cud go in everyday claes an best of a’ get oot tae play wi ma cousins!

My auntie Nell, that ma mum an me wur visitin, lived in a cul de sac an ma Auntie Mary stayed there too, a few doors away. Auntie Mary’s wis where the cousins lived, oor Ian an oor Derek who I played wi an oor Alan who was jist a wee wean at the time. I liked auntie Mary’s the best cause I got to play wi the wean an watch him so she could get oan wi her work. One day she wis busy an got me an oor Derek tae take oor Alan oot in the go-chair an take their wee dug wi us. Noo at that time oor Alan must huv been aboot 2 years auld cause he wis oot the pram so I’d be 9 an oor Derek wid be 8. So off we went doon tae the park. We put oor Alan oan the baby swings fur a bit then got him back in the go-chair and ran aboot wi the wee dug. When we thought we’d been oot long enough, we headed back up the street and nearly got hame before we noticed that we’d left somethin behind… oor Alan! Ran back tae the park, got him, ran up the street an delivered him hame safely. SHHHHH!!!

As well as ma cousins there wur a guid few ither boys in the street an they a’ played the gither. Me, bein a lassie, wis jist aboot tolerated. This wis the mid 1960’s an it wis different rules then. I wis jist chuffed that the boys even let me play wi them.

The games wer usually cowboys an indians where they’d whoop their way roond the street wi bows an arrows or cowboy hats an guns or mibbee it wid be sodyers wi machine guns an mud streaked faces or the airforce where they’d run roond wi arms ootstretched makin rat tattin noises shootin fae their imaginary gun turrets. The worst wis hide an seek caus they knew a’ the hidin places. They knew who’s coal bunker they could squeeze behind, who left their shed door open an who’s maw wid let you hide in her back lobby.

Whitever the game tho, the rules were the same. Two boys were the leaders an they’d pick their team fae a’ the eager wee faces wi their hand up, jumpin up an doon shoutin “ME pick ME”. The leaders wid pick their pals first, then the guid players next an finally wis wee specky wi the green number 11 oan his top lip who always cried fur his mammy when he got shot an then, efter a’ the boys, any lassie that happened tae be visitin, usually me! I always dreamed aboot no bein last but that’s no the way it wis.

The pickin wis done fair in their eyes, jist logic, pick the best yins first then work doon tae the worst yins then the lassies last caus lassies wurny any use except bein in the hoose lookin efter the men, cookin an cleanin. It wis logical tae them but it wis brutal if you werny up tae scratch or a lassie. In they days tho, it wis jist the way it wis, before any equality, an we didny question it, jist got on wi it.

When the game startit, the first yins tae get shot or captured (sometimes by their ain side) wis the useless yins, so me first then specky. Then you hud tae either lie still an silent if you were shot, or if you were captured you’d get tied tae a fence wi a bit o’ some mithiers washin line till the game wis finished. I got tae ken maist o’ the pavement intimately and wis tied tae many a fence but this wis a lot better than bein in the hoose and bein telt tae dae somethin useful as “the Devil makes work for idle hands”. This somethin wis always “lassie stuff” like washin dishes, layin the table or dustin, except, of course, oan a Sunday when you jist hud tae sit still an be quiet caus “children should be seen and no heard!”

So it wisny even a hard choice, the pavement it wis fur me ivery time an I’d be the best corpse that the boys iver hud and I’d no greet like specky and mibbee, jist mibbee one of these times a’d go up the rankin and get picked before him.

Then that day it happened!! We wur oan round three o’ the game an the picken wis nearly done, jist me an specky tae go, then “Anne” wis called an jist specky left. Nae reason, jist get oan wi it. Specky wis greetin but then specky wis always greetin. As fur me, it wis heid doon, mooth shut an get back oan that pavement but inside I wis cheerin! Result!