Yer pal ye played COD wae has died.

Ye'r trying tae relax and enjoy the telly but ye canny, cause yer pal ye played COD wae has died. It wis a text that done it. The group chat wae those ye still keep in touch wae. Pals from when ye were tots. Ye’s met long before phones could fit in pockets, and noo they’re telling ye folk are deid.

The first message came: Here mind [and then his name]
Yer pals aw reply first: a series of ayes ping.
Ye reach for the phone, distracted by the good bit in that show ye’r watching. But by the time ye pick it up the fateful text arrives: Aye he’s deid.

Yer pal ye played COD wae has died.

Initially ye don’t reply. Ye just sit there. Maybe yer maw or yer da, maybe a boyfriend or a girlfriend, somebody, whoever ye’r wae at that moment. They turn and see the pallor ae ye'r coupon. They say yon usual: Ye awright? And tae be honest ye are. If it wisnae for the text ye couldnae even say his name it’s been that long since ye talked to him. Ye’re no in school anymare and ye barely touch that Xbox. And yet ye don’t say ye’r awright.

Cause yer pal ye played COD wae has died.

The phone keeps pining, maybe ye’ve put it on silent noo to stop annoying whoever ye’r wae. But the texts rise up through the phone as yer pals aw rack their brains for memories of him. Ye think tae yersel, when wis the last time ah spoke tae him? Wis it as far back as school? Naw, did ye bump into him aboot town afterwards? He never went to uni like you did, in fact ye’ve nae clue wit he did after school. Ye just assumed he’d always be aboot. Wan of those characters. But he’s no.

Cause yer pal ye played COD wae has died.

Ye can try and watch that show on the telly but it’s no much use. Just a bunch of flashing images at this stage. Nothing compares to the screeds of text clogging up the phone. Nah nothing can beat that. They came in slowly at first. But after the initial anecdote the flood gates are open. Suddenly [his name] is aw anyone can remember. Aw yer pals are typing away furiously like Kerouac by the candle. Mind the time x, mind the time y. Aye hahaha. He might be deid but he’s still delivering laughs. Ye figure he’ll always be delivering laughs.

Ye think of yer own story. Yer own [his name] anecdote. And it comes. Ye went to lunch with him in 4th year so ye did. Doon tae that chippy by the dodgy end ye never usually went tae. But he was there and he wis always a bit scary, so ye felt safe knowing he was on your side. He'd protect ye. From the bams in the year above that always pelted ye with something. Naw, no that day they didnae. Ye even remember wit ye ate, it wis a hauf pizza supper. How ye managed to eat aw they suppers in school and remain the size ye did ye’ll never know. A wee sigh escapes ye when ye think about what they suppers wid dae to yer body noo.

But that wisnae aw the story no. Noo you’re the one typing mad. Cause after [his name] frightened them big boys away he choked didn’t he? A chip went the wrong way. Caught in his throat. He choked and choked. The big man looked at ye with red watery eyes that had a desperation ye didnae know he could feel. But then he did it. He just coughed it up. Wan big chippy chip. Ye know the ones that are like near enough the length ae yer forearm? Aye it was wan ae them. Just coughs it up full, unchewed, and spits it on the ground.

And he never even said anything aboot it. Just brought it up and spat it oot. And ye’s went back to school and that was that. Had a good wee laugh about it the next day. Then the day after. Until it became an anecdote. An anecdote ye forgot years ago. But it’s back noo.

Cause yer pal ye played COD wae has died.

Nothing could stop him then. No big boys in the year above, no a chip. Nothing. So ye huv tae ask: how’d he die? But naebody knows. Yer pal that told everyone says he saw it on Facebook. You deleted that long ago. But the laughter of the anecdotes wear thing. Then suddenly it’s back. That feeling. Ye know, the one ye don’t understand cause ye barely knew the guy. But he’s deid and he disnae get an obituary. Disnae get a spot on the paper. Naw he gets a totey dod of bandwidth on Facebook. And because ae that everyone will speculate. It was drugs, it was fighting, it was drink, it was driving, it was a fall. Ye’d played Chinese whispers wae him in Primary and noo he’s the subject ae his own. And ye feel that. Right in yer chest.

Are ye sure ye’r awright? Whoever ye'r wae asks ye.

Ye look at them and they know straight away you are not alright. Ye sort of hiccup a cry. The sort of manly “I’m no crying” cry that [his name] wid have called ye a jessie for. But it’s too late noo it happened and them ye’r with saw it.

Eh, ye say, no. Am no awright Ah don’t think.

How what’s wrong, they say with one eye still on the telly.

Cause, ye say;

Ma pal Ah used to play COD wae has died.